


Kinks Squad Discord Server

by locketheart



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: (has never written plot once ever), Multi, Nonbinary Juuzou, Pining, Shirazu lives, YES ITS A CHATFIC IM TIRED OF WRITING PLOT, haise gets mod rights, he also gets mom rights :), its a discord server w an absurd amount of channels bc im projecting, juuzou and hide come in later, juuzou and mutsuki are just vibing, listen starboy never specifies who is with touka in that last battle it could be anyone, or dont im not ur dad, platonic threats, read it :), saiko is a lesbiab and simps for every girl ever, she may get a gf later idk, the author is emotionally an anime only, the author is sorry these updates take so long, this is based on starboys story the exchange of a smile, tw brief mentions of plot, tw hussiebot, urie and shirazu are petty bitches to lovers no other way to describe it, what im saying is koma and irimi are alive
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:21:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28376127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/locketheart/pseuds/locketheart
Summary: i looked at Rowans fic "in exchange of a smile" and said "this could be a chatfic" so you might want to read at least the first chapter of that to get the gist. basically we fix :re. warning: ive never read or watched ;re i just read a lot of fanfic and care far too much about quinx squad. but yeah they are in love :)
Relationships: Kaneki Ken | Sasaki Haise/Nagachika Hideyoshi, Mutsuki Tooru/Suzuya Juuzou, Shirazu Ginshi/Urie Kuki
Comments: 24
Kudos: 38





	1. And so it begins.....

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AAAStarboyAAA](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AAAStarboyAAA/gifts).



> this takes place before the first few chapters of The Exchange Of A Smile both bc i wanted to give a little backstory on the relationship urie and shirazu have in that fic as well as i know that story better than i know the canon but i didnt make it a part of The Exchange Of A Smile until i was well over halfway through 
> 
> yes i add offline/online messages even tho i know discord doesn't do that bc like, in a normal server you would be able to see the sidebar to see whos online and i didnt know how else to make it make sense  
> Also i only add date and time at the beginning of each section bc adding it to each message would be distracting and time consuming

Name: tag, nickname (roles)   
Yonebayashi: hhhhhhhhhhh, seggsy fish

Shirazu : Sk8r_Bo1420, ultimate himbo

Urie: insert emo shit here, [redacted]/princess (derogatory)

Mutsuki: #1 yoichi kinnie, trains genner??

Haise: HaiseSasaki, maman

**_Kinks Squad #general_ ** _ monday, 3:24pm  _

\---> Sk8r_Bo1420 has landed

\---> insert emo shit here has arrived!

\---> glad you made it, #1 yoichi kinnie!

\---> HaiseSasaki has arrived, hope you brought pizza! 

**HaiseSasakI:** oh, no i didnt 

**Hhhhhhhi:** m a m a n n o- 

**HaiseSasaki:** did you kids want pizza tonight? 

**Hhhhhhh:** no maman thats a bot 

**Sk8r_Bo1420:** : we do want pizza tho 

**Insert emo shit here:** yonebayashi what is this 

**Hhhhhhh:** its a discord server so we can like talk without actually talking 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** why not just a group chat? Instead of setting up a whole server 

**seggsy fish:** 1) nicknames and other shenanigans 

**seggsy fish:** :) 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** oh we can change our nicknames?? Cool 

**trains genner??:** saiko what have you done 

**seggsy fish:** also maman gets mod rights and no one else because i said so 

**ultimate himbo:** :( 

**seggsy fish:** sorry kign </3

**ultimate himbo:** kign 

**trains genner??** : kign 

**[redacted]** : kign 

**seggsy fish:** im leaving /j 

**Maman** : play nice kids 

**Maman** : oh! My nickname was changed :) 

**ultimate himbo:** maman do u know how to do mod things? 

**Maman:** is it not the same as the normal app because i do not know how to work the normal things

**ultimate himbo:** @seggsy fish give me mod right >:( 

**seggsy fish:** no <3 

**ultimate himbo:** :( 

**[redacted]:** im muting this server and never answering again

**_Kinks squad, #channel-for-annoying-kuki_ ** _ monday, 3:32 _

**seggsy fish:** @[redacted] come here bitch 

**ultimate himbo: 🎵🎵** hey bitch  **🎵🎵**

**ultimate himbo: 🎵🎵** whats up **🎵🎵**

**ultimate himbo: 🎵🎵** yknow  **🎵🎵**

**ultimate himbo: 🎵🎵** id really like to do that  **🎵🎵**

**ultimate himbo:🎵🎵** but i dont have any fucking money  **🎵🎵**

**ultimate himbo:🎵🎵** like, i dont have any fucking money  **🎵🎵**

**seggsy fish:** hey bitch, do you really really really wanna go hard 

**[redacted]:** im going to kill all of you in your sleep 

**trains genner??:** why are you like this 

**maman:** oh its like more than one group chat at a time! 

**ultimate himbo:** oh maman,so young and naive 

**maman** :...i am older than you and i am your dad 

**ultimate himbo:** ur mom 

**ultimate himbo:** not dad 

**seggsy fish:** yeah ur nickname says maman 

**[redacted]:** i hate you all so much 

**trains genner??:** oh, you don't mind us that much <3

**[redacted]:** yes, i really do 

**ultimate himbo** : awww, cookie loves us <3

**[redacted]:** i hate you, mullet man 

**ultimate himbo:** hate you too, princess 

**Princess:** did u just change my fucking nickname 

**seggsy fish:** :) 

**ultimate himbo:** wait wait wait no yonebayashi it has to be princess (derogatory)

**seggsy fish:** y e s 

**princess (derogatory):** n o 

**princess (derogatory):** fcuk you 

**princess (derogatory):** i hate all of you 

**_Kinks squad, #spill-the-tea-sis_ ** _ monday, 3:39 _

**seggsy fish:** kuki x shirazu make it canon 

**princess (derogatory):** i would never date someone w a mullet 

**princess (derogatory):** and his teeth are too sharp 

**ultimate himbo:** whats wrong with my teeth? 

**ultimate himbo:** fuck you 

**seggsy fish:** enemies to lovers <3 

**trains genner??:** sajkdfjas;ldkfjas;lkdjf yeah they’ll figure out that theyre in love eventually 

**maman:** i do have to admit, it would be very cute 

**maman:** they would work quite well together 

**ultimate himbo:** m a m a n 

**princess (derogatory):** we would not work well together 

**princess (derogatory):** its called he doesn't work 

**ultimate himbo:** at least Im not Emo Edgy Always Going Off And Almost Dying By Myself 

**princess (derogatory):** at least I didnt drop out of high school 

**ultimate himbo:** i hope your phone dies on the bus and you have a panic attack over it. 

**princess (derogatory):** fuck you 

_ [ _ **_ultimate himbo_ ** _ has gone offline] _

_ [ _ **_princess (derogatory)_ ** _ has gone offline] _

**trains genner??:** well that escalated quickly 

**maman:** did the front door just slam? 

**seggsy fish:** i think it was kuki bc i can hear Shirazu pacing 

**trains genner??:** ill go talk to him 

**seggsy fish:** im sorry yall 

**maman:** it's not your fault honey 

**maman:** they did take it too far rather quickly

**maman:** but that's kind of what they always do 

**maman:** they'll get over it soon enough I'm sure 

**trains genner??:** im going to go find urie and make sure he doenst do anything stupid 

**maman:** thank you, mutsuki 

_ [ _ **_trains genner??_ ** _ has gone offline] _

**seggsy fish:** I guess this wasn't a good idea after all 

_ [ _ **_seggsy fish_ ** _ has gone offline] _

**maman:** saiko, no it was a great idea. 

**maman:** great. 

**_Direct Messages_** **:** _hhhhhhhhhhh_ and _Sk8r_Bo1420_ Monday, 3:40

**Sk8r_Bo1420:** is my hair really that stupid? 

**Sk8r_Bo1420:** do you think i need a haircut? 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** ur hair is fine u dumb queer (affectionate)

**Sk8r_Bo1420:** thanks but like 

**Sk8r_Bo1420:** should I change it? 

**Sk8r_Bo1420:** are my teeth weird 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** i like your teeth you look like that vine guy 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** im gonna blow up and act like I don't know nobody 

**Sk8r_Bo1420:** yeah but is it weird 

**Sk8r_Bo1420:** does it look bad

**Sk8r_Bo1420:** maybe I should change it 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** hey king ur very poggers based dont let kuki get to you too much 

**Sk8r_Bo1420:** but like 

**Sk8r_Bo1420:** does it look stupid

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** why do u care so much homeslice /gq 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** do u have like a crush on kuki or something 

**Sk8r_Bo1420:** no 

**Sk8r_Bo1420:** of course i dont have a crush on him 

**Sk8r_Bo1420:** stupid fucking emo man listens to 21 pilots at 3am 

**Sk8r_Bo1420:** listen to some real music hettie 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** what do you think real music is king 

**Sk8r_Bo1420:** Hollywood Undead 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** blocked and reported have a horrible day /j 

**Sk8r_Bo1420:** okay hatsune miku kinnie /t 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** bitch 

**Sk8r_Bo1420:** love you too <3 

**_Direct Messages:_ ** _ #1 yoichi kinnie  _ and _ HaiseSasaki  _ Monday 3:43pm

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** maman i cant get urie to listen to me 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** hes got his headphones in and he keeps walking away from me 

**HaiseSaski:** is he safe? Where are you guys? 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** im with him, were fine. We’re about 3 blocks away from the house heading towards the park

**HaiseSaski:** okay. Keep with him for now. Once you guys stop somewhere or start heading back try to talk to him again. Maybe he just needs some time. 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** okay. Ill let you know when were headed back. 

Monday, 4:47pm

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** we’ve been sitting in the park for a while. I got him to talk a little bit but not much, were gonna head home soon 

**HaiseSaski:** okay, dinners in a half hour 

**_Direct Messages:_ ** _ hhhhhhhh, #1 yoichi kinnie,  _ and  _ insert emo shit here  _ Monday, 5:53

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** hey dude, you should apologize to shirazu 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** i know you guys were going back and forth but you really upset him 

**insert emo shit here:** are you sure? 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** hes been pacing for like 3 hours and I can hear the Three Days Grace coming from his bed room 

**insert emo shit here:** oh shit. 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** yeah and he hasn't been online like, at all since you left the house. Hes usually at least gaming when we aren't doing things together 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** also the high school dropout thing was a bit… much 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** yeah you know calling him stupid really sets him off, same thing different flavors 

**insert emo shit here:** i get that i went a bit far 

**insert emo shit here:** but still 

**insert emo shit here:** he was also being an ass 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** yeah and he feels like shit about it 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** hes just too hard headed to admit it 

**insert emo shit here:** somehow i don't believe you. 

**insert emo shit here:** whatever. Ill talk to him later ig. 

_ [ _ **_insert emo shit here_ ** _ has gone offline] _

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** fuck you Urie. 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** hope you know you're being an asshole 

_ [ _ **_hhhhhhhhh_ ** _ has gone offline] _

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** well that fucking backfired 

**_Kinks Squad, #spill-the-tea-sis_ ** Monday, 7:34pm 

**seggsy fish:** ay yo @ultimate himbo @trains genner?? can y'all hear maman 

**ultimate himbo:** he sounds really mad 

**seggsy fish:** whats he yelling about

**trains genner??:** i think hes yelling at urie about something 

**trains genner??:** i cant hear it great tho 

**seggsy fish:** _ ooh.  _ kuki’s in  _ trouble  _

**ultimate himbo:** what the hell did he do to get  _ maman _ to yell at him 

**trains genner??:** do you think its about earlier today? 

**ultimate himbo:** the server thing? Thats a bit much but maybe 

**ultimate himbo:** uries door just slammed 0_0

_ [ _ **_princess (derogatory)_ ** _ is now online] _

**ultimate himbo:** :eyes: 

**seggsy fish:** :eyes: 

**trains genner??:** :eyes: 

**princess (derogatory):** oh shut up all of you 

**princess (derogatory):** fuck off 

**seggsy fish:** whats the tea king 

**princess (derogatory):** call me king again and ill skin you 

**trains genner??:** hes not king princess hes not iconic enough for that /lh 

**seggsy fish:** AKJD:LKSJFSKJDSOKJ

**seggsy fish:** lesbian kuki real?????? 

**princess (derogatory):** and you all wonder why i dont like being around you 

_ [ _ **_ultimate himbo_ ** _ has gone offline] _

**princess (derogatory):** whatever. Haise wasn't yelling at me we were having a talk about rc stuff bc im better than yall /lh 

**princess (derogatory):** stop being so nosey 

**seggsy fish:** maman* 

**princess (derogatory):** sure. whatever. 

  
  


**_Direct Messages,_ ** _ insert emo shit here  _ and  _ Sk8r_Bo1420  _ Monday, 9:49 pm 

**insert emo shit here:** hey

**insert emo shit here:** i wanted to apologize 

**insert emo shit here:** so im sorry 

**insert emo shit here:** i did go a little too far today. 

**Sk8r_Bo1420:** okay

**Sk8r_Bo1420:** thanks urie 

**_Direct Messages,_ ** _ insert emo shit here  _ and  _ #1 yoichi kinnie  _ 9:52pm 

**insert emo shit here:** he called me urie 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** shirazu? or haise? 

**insert emo shit here:** shirazu. 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** and what about it? 

**insert emo shit here:** he never calls anyone their family name 

**insert emo shit here:** he doesn't do respect shit like that even with like CCG officers 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** so you think hes still upset with you? 

**insert emo shit here:** yeah probably

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** do you…. Care? 

**insert emo shit here:** yeah i guess I care 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** that's new 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** give him time 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** you really struck a nerve with him today 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** oh and maman? Yelling about rc shit? 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** what was he really yelling at you about 

**insert emo shit here:** he wasn't yelling 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** i could hear it from the other side of the house i think that counts as yelling 

**insert emo shit here:** something something you guys are a team something something i better knock it off or i wont be squad leader anymore something something respect for fellow team members 

**insert emo shit here:** satisfied? 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** very 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** hes right tho. Stop wandering off and dying on your own 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** if were gonna die we better do it together 

**insert emo shit here:** sure 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** also 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** you can admit to me that you have a crush on shirazu 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** i literally dont care its fine 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** just stop taking your frustrations out on him in the gc 

**insert emo shit here:** whos to say im even attracted to men 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** [ image  ](https://www.google.com/search?q=andy+biersack&rlz=1C1UKOV_enUS933&sxsrf=ALeKk00CG-9OIiDW7OUMiLl3luFUGYpLPA:1609125497440&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjA3bHN2-_tAhWMslkKHTBPDWYQ_AUoAXoECBEQAw&biw=1366&bih=657#imgrc=yiSabR_Inp7QHM)

**insert emo shit here** :.... 

**insert emo shit here:** you got me there 

**insert emo shit here** : but no i dont have a crush on him 

**insert emo shit here:** shirazu i mean 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** right. Sure. mhm. 

**insert emo shit here:** how are you so passive aggressive over texts 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** its an earned skill 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** do you have turnips i can buy 

**insert emo shit here:** why the fuck would i have turnips 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** in animal crossing 

**insert emo shit here:** OH. yeah i do hold on. 

**_Direct Messages_ ** _ , #1 yoichi kinnie  _ and  _ hhhhhhhhhhh  _ Monday. 10:04pm 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** hows it going w shirazu 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** hes still upset but hes not gonna cut his hair in the bathroom sink upset 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** what about cookie

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** he seems to be ready to admit that he did something wrong at least 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** hes upset bc shirazu called him urie instead of kuki pan>

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** yeah i saw the screenshot 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** shirazu was Big Mad bc he felt like urie was put up to it by maman 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** he kind of was but its not really like him to be even half genuine when hes forced to do something 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** but yeah maman was yelling at him about like team member stuff apparently 

**#1 yoichi kinnie** : which has been a long time coming but i think what happened in the server was the last straw 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** but like 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** you agree theyre in love right? 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** probably yeah 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** i almost got urie to admit it too lmao 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** skldjfas;lkdfj;laskj nice 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** i expect screenshots when it finally happens 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** ofc 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** what abt shirazu? 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** he literally asked me if he should get his teeth shaved down today. 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** im not kidding 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** :eyes: 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** yeah so either he has insecurities about something thats his literal pride joy and brand or hes in love w kuki and wont admit it 

**#1 yoichi kinnie** : oh my god 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** theyre so fucking dumb 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** ikr 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** you wanna jump on among us with me and shirazu 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** no i am once again working on my animal crossing garden 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** very valid have a nice day /g 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** murder shirazu for me <3 

  
**hhhhhhhhhhh:** i will <3 


	2. THE GIRLS ARE FIGHTIIIIING

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hello tw for very very brief mentions of grooming and pedophilia but only in a like, 3rd person context? What im saying is shirazu and urie get into the first of many many fights about Washuu. Also breif and joking descriptions of canon-typical violence. Enjoy and remember to hate arima :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shirazu <3

**_August 21st_ **

**_Kinks Squad, General_ **Tuesday, 2:24pm 

**princess (derogatory):** so are we ever gonna use this for work things or is it just like dick around 

**seggsy fish:** do we 

**seggsy fish:** do work 

**seggsy fish:**????

**princess (derogatory):** i work at least 

**princess (derogatory):** idk about the rest of yall fucks 

**_work-channel-so-urie-doesnt-skin-me_ **Tuesday, 2:29pm 

**seggsy fish:** @princess (derogatory) here u go bitch 

**princess (derogatory):** ty 

**princess (derogatory):** so 

**princess (derogatory):** work huh 

**seggsy fish:** yep 

**seggsy fish:** we sure do it sometimes 

**seggsy fish:** anyways 

**seggsy fish:** :adios: 

_[_ **_seggsy fish_ ** _has gone offline]_

**princess (derogatory):** what is up with everyone 

**trains genner??:** Hm. I wonder. What could it be. 

_[_ **_trains genner??_ ** _has gone offline]_

**princess (derogatory):** god okay point taken jesus christ 

**_Kinks Squad, General_** Tuesday, 7:42pm 

**maman:** @everyone supper time 

**seggsy fish:** m a m a n 

**maman:** what? I yelled for you guys but literally no one answered so i figured you had your headsets on 

**maman:** ive heard you and shirazu yelling over the game for the last half hour 

**ultimate himbo:** yeah we had our headsets on 

**ultimate himbo:** idk about the others tho 

**trains genner??:** working on shit be there in a sec 

**princess (derogatory):** ill get mutsuki and be down 

**maman:** are you guys not home??

**princess (derogatory):** no i'm gonna throw him over my shoulder and bring him downstairs /srs 

**princess (derogatory):** cuz otherwise he’s gonna be working on that case shit for literal hours 

**princess (derogatory):** hes databasing shit for the CCG bc they know he has hyperfocus and theyre too cheap to pay someone to upload it all online for easier search and access shit 

**princess (derogatory):** i can hear him talking to himself about it through the wall

**maman:** thats

 **maman:** are they paying him for it? 

**princess (derogatory):** no but i think he volunteered 

**maman:** okay then

**seggsy fish:** tooru w da brain cell 

**seggsy fish:** what crimes will he commit 

**ultimate himbo:** me and saiko will be down after this round sassan, promise 

**maman:** okay kids

 **maman:** dont make me come up there 

**princess (derogatory):** we won't 

**seggsy fish:** we wont 

**trains genner??:** we won't 

**ultimate himbo:** we wont 

**maman:** good 

**_Obligatory-work-channel-so-urie-doesnt-skin-me_ **Wednesday, 2:41 am 

**trains genner??:** _Attachment: 3 files_

 **trains genner??:** these are the basics of what i found on the torso just based on the stuff they’ve given me to sort through so far 

**trains genner??:** its barely more than anything we knew and im sure haise has already looked over these 

**trains genner??:** but just so we have em here 

**maman:** mutsuki go to bed 

**maman:** you have to be up for training in less than 4 hours 

**trains genner??:** i know 

**trains genner??:** i just wanted to finish what i had. 

**trains genner??:** but yeah Ill keep looking through this stuff for info on the torso when they give me more 

**maman:** mutsuki 

**maman:** sleep 

**trains genner??:** yes okay sleep goodnight i am turning off my computer 

_[_ **_trains genner??_ ** _has gone offline]_

  
  


**_Kinks Squad: #spill-the-tea-sis_ **Wednesday, 12:42pm 

**seggsy fish:** @trains genner?? THE GIRLS ARE FIGHTIIIIIING 

**trains genner??:** oh??? 

**seggsy fish:** hold on i cant type fast enough im just gonna fucking video it and send it here 

**trains genner??:** :eyes: 

[Video Transcript 

Urie: -AND, AND, THERES A FUCKING REASON IM THE SQUAD LEADER, BITCH. ITS BECAUSE YOURE FUCKING INCOMPETENT 

Shirazu: OH, OH REALLY, FUCKING EMO BITCH, ITS NOT MIDDLE SCHOOL YOU DONT NEED TO KISS ASS ANYMORE TO GET WHAT YOU NEED 

Urie: OH AND DO WHAT? JUST SIT HERE AND WASTE MY FUCKING POWERS LIKE THE REST OF YOU GUYS? DO YOU REALIZE WHAT--

Shirazu: YES I KNOW, WERE THE “MOST POWERFUL WEAPONS EVER CREATED” I DONT FUCKING CARE-

Urie: WE ONLY EXIST TO FIGHT 

Shirazu: NO YOU DUMB BITCH WE EXIST FOR EACH OTHER

[shirazu throws a handful of spaghetti at urie’s head]

Urie: what the fuck? 

Shirazu: thank you for listening to me. We aren't just killing machines. We don't just exist to be puppets of the ccg. I promise dude. 

Urie: then what is the point? 

Shirazu; to be here? To be friends? 

Urie: i didn't get a painful, anatomy changing, 7 month healing time surgery, to sit around and play among us for 7 hours with you and yonebayashi

Shirazu: yeah and we didn't find a family to be constantly trying to claw our way up the ranks.

Urie: why are you so obsessed with this idea that we are a family 

Shirazu: hey, buddy, homeslice BREADSLICE dog, i dont know about you, but the rest of us had fucking _nothing_ before this. Im a highschool drop out who lived on the streets and did shitty mechanic work to buy like chicken nuggets, saiko’s mom like fucking hated her, and Mutsuki,, yknow,, did that. And we love to see it but thats not the fucking point. The fucking point is we found people here. And maybe you already had people. And thats fucking fine, i guess, but dont take it out on the rest of us, and dont fucking leave us without a squad leader. because yeah. You’re fucking right. You're better than the rest of us. You can use your weapons better than the rest of us and you probably have a higher kill count than the rest of us. But don't put yourself in harm's way to get a promotion that would leave both of us worse off.

Urie: what makes you think it would leave me worse off 

Shirazu: YOURE FUCKING GETTING GROOMED KUKI 

Urie: OUR RELATIONSHIP IS LITERALLY ONLY PROFESSIONAL, IM LEARNING FROM HIM 

Shirazu: THIS ISNT FUCKING 2012 WERE PAST GETTING GROOMED BY OLD MEN ON KIK 

Urie: I swear. He’s mentoring me. 

Shirazu: sure. Right. Out of everyone you could go to. Sassan, Akira, Arima if you really wanna fucking go there i guess, literally fucking anyone you could choose, and you choose Washuu? 

Urie: Im fucking 19, Ginshi. Its not like he’s a pedo. 

Shirazu: yeah and he's what fucking 40? And how long have you been in the CCG? You cant tell me you really think he _just_ started taking interest in you? 

Urie: you don't know what you’re talking about

Shirazu: fucking fine. I know you aren't going to listen to me. So fucking leave. Suck that good dick and get that good promotion, and when you figure out that this is your home, and we are your family, dont fucking cry when you cant come back

[shirazu leaves through the door off the side of the kitchen, slamming the door behind him and leaving urie looking dumbfounded in the kitchen, still with noodles on his shirt ]

End of video transcript]

**trains genner??:** jesus chwist 

**trains genner??:** where did shirazu go? 

**seggsy fish:** i don't know but im gonna try to catch up with him 

**seggsy fish:** see ya mutsuki. 

_[_ **_seggsy fish_ ** _has gone offline]_

  
  


**_Direct Messages,_ ** _Sk8r_Bo1420_ and _HaiseSasaki_ Wednesday, 12:48

**HaiseSasaki:** are you okay? 

**Sk8r_Bo1420:** yeah yeah yeah im okay chief 

**Sk8r_Bo1420:** i just 

**Sk8r_Bo1420:** god kuki makes me mad sometimes 

**Sk8r_Bo1420:** im just gonna go to the gym and blow off some steam 

**Sk8r_Bo1420:** promise im not doin anything you wouldn't want me too 

**HaiseSasaki:** okay. I understand your frustration, just please dont hurt yourself 

**HaiseSasaki:** also please talk to Saiko, she seems very upset

**Sk8r_Bo1420:** fuck, did she see all that?   
**Sk8r_Bo1420:** that 

**Sk8r_Bo1420:** fuck 

**Sk8r_Bo1420:** im a bad friend 

**Sk8r_Bo1420:** yeah yeah ill talk to her no problem

 **Sk8r_Bo1420:** sorry sassan

**HaiseSasaki:** its okay, you did nothing wrong 

**_Direct Messages,_ ** _Sk8r_Bo1420_ and _hhhhhhhhhhh_

**Sk8r_Bo1420:** hey 

**Sk8r_Bo1420:** are you okay? 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** yep im good 

**Sk8r_Bo1420:** i feel like youre lying 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** i am <3

**Sk8r_Bo1420:** im really sorry 

**Sk8r_Bo1420:** i didnt even realize you were right there 

**Sk8r_Bo1420:** if i had known you were there i wouldnt have done what i did

 **Sk8r_Bo1420:** i know that stuff kinda fucks w you sometimes 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** yeah but its not that big of a deal 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** are you okay? I wanted to catch up with you but by the time i literally got to the door you werent on our street anymore so i assume you dont want to be followed 

**Sk8r_Bo1420:** oh im just goin to the gym 

**Sk8r_Bo1420:** you can come with me if you wanna I’ll double back to walk with you if you want 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** no <3

**Sk8r_Bo1420:** i figured

 **Sk8r_Bo1420:** take care of yourself okay? 

**Sk8r_Bo1420:** dont let what either of us said get to you 

**Sk8r_Bo1420:** ill see you for supper at the latest 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** okay shirazu 

**Sk8r_Bo1420:** love you, bitch 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** yeah yeah whatever you twink 

**_Direct Messages,_ ** _insert emo shit here_ and _#1 yoichi kinnie_ Wednesday, 12:55 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** hey man 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** what the fuck was that 

**insert emo shit here:** is it really that big of a deal? 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** yeah 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** are you really trying to get promoted? Kinda cringe 

**insert emo shit here:** not fucking this again 

**insert emo shit here:** im allowed to do what i want 

**insert emo shit here:** its none of your business 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** kuki, i'm your best friend 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** or at least i thought i was

**insert emo shit here:** and? 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** AND THAT MEANS YOU TELL ME THIS SHIT 

**insert emo shit here:** whatever 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** you’re insufferable 

**insert emo shit here:** okay, whatever. Have fun with your catalogue bullshit, L kinnie 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** i will, thanks 

_[_ **_#1 yoichi kinnie_ ** _has gone offline]_

**insert emo shit here:** god honestly im gonna say this at some point 

**insert emo shit here:** but like 

**insert emo shit here:** im sorry 

**insert emo shit here:** i dont really want to leave

 **insert emo shit here:** i just need to make my parents proud 

**insert emo shit here:** or what was the point of all of this? Yknow 

**insert emo shit here:** the literal science of how we work is so interesting that i feel like i have to keep getting powerful to do it justice or all of this amazing science is like going to waste 

**insert emo shit here:** anyways you dont care about this so like 

**insert emo shit here:** ill see you later i guess 

**_Direct Messages,_ ** _#1 yoichi kinnie_ and _hhhhhhhhhhh_ Wednesday, 12:59 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** hey are you actually offline or did you just also get into an argument with urie 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** yeah im here. and i am trying to ignore urie. but hes making me sad :( 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** wdym? 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** he like just genuinely wants to do good shit and like this is really what he should be telling shirazu but thats not happening 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** hes Lamenting 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** ah 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** hes on his emo shit again 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** anyway not the point but kind of the point 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** how do you feel about what the two of them said 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** like what shirazu said about us specifically? 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** it was kind of nice to be referred to as a family i guess 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** but in general i almost see where urie is coming from even if i don't agree with him 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** but we agree that washuus a little bitch and we're gonna like kill him if he sets a single hand on urie right 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** oh yeah of course 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** just casually planning a coup 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** as we do 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** as we do 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** i know where urie is coming from cuz like yknow Parental Shit and i know why shirazu is so worried about it because hes a fucking Simp but that doesnt mean i really agree with either of them 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** or their method for that matter 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** yeah, are you okay? I know that kinda fucks with you sometimes 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** im okay now but uh. Even tho i know shirazu is like my big teddy bear shaped brother but hes still kinda scary when he yells 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** yeah valid 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** at least sassan wasnt home 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** honestly i think if maman yelled at me i would simply 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** cease 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** to exist? 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** yeah 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** same 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** anyways im putting my headphones on and turning off all notifs so i can get this fucking catalouging done 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** break my door down if you need me <3

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** i will 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** might come and sit on your floor later 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** valid 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you may look at this chapter and say, locket, thats not what i remember from the quinx's backstory? You're right! I'm projecting!


	3. The Chapter In Which Haise Goes Full Southern Mother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they r gay :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)

**_August 27th, 6 days later_ **

**_Kinks Squad, #General_ ** Monday, 4:45 

**ultimate himbo:** ayo @maman where would i obtain ✨medical attention✨

**trains genner??:** ?!?!?!?!?!?!? 

**seggsy fish:** :eyes: 

**maman:** where are you? 

**ultimate himbo:** kitchen floor 

**maman:** is anyone else home?? 

**ultimate himbo:** kuki but i dont think he has any intentions of really helping me 

**trains genner??:** :eyes: 

**seggsy fish:** :eyes: 

**maman:** im just a couple blocks away don't worry 

**ultimate himbo:** wait nvm i think im good 

**trains genner??:** :EYES: 

**seggsy fish:** :EYES: :EYES: :EYES: 

**seggsy fish:** SHIRAZU WHAT DOES THAT MEAN 

**maman:** Ginshi, are you sure you’re okay? 

_ [ _ **_ultimate himbo_ ** _ has gone offline] _

**seggsy fish:** SHIRAZU WHAT THE FUCK    
  


**_Direct Messages,_ ** _ hhhhhhhhhhh  _ and  _ Sk8r_bo1420  _ Monday, 4:48 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** bitch 

**Hhhhhhhhhhh:** hello 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** i hate you 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** FUCKING REPLY    
**hhhhhhhhhhh:** i am on the subway coming home 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** i swear to god 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** did kuki like beat the shit out of you and then tenderly stitch up your wounds

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** i swear if i come home and you and Kuki are like fucking in the bathroom i am going to fucking skin you 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** haise’s gonna barge in on you ya know 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** actually you deserve it for ignoring me 

**_Direct Messages:_ ** _ HaiseSasaki  _ and  _ Sk8r_Bo1420  _ Monday, 4:48

**HaiseSasaki:** shirazu are you really hurt? 

**HaiseSasaki:** are you okay? What happened? 

**HaiseSasaki:** i guess you're not gonna respond you're offline 

**_Direct Messages:_ ** _ hhhhhhhhhhh  _ and  _ #1 yoichi kinnie  _ Monday, 4:56

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** okay but like

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** r u thinking what im thinking 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** :eyes: 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** if you’re thinking that kuki definitely punched shirazu in the face and is now very tenderly fixing his wounds bc he feels bad, then yes absolutely 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** yeah that about sums it up 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** do you think theyre like Good now? 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** knowing them? Probably not 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** which sucks 

**#1 yoichi kinnie** : bc they fucking suck when theyre like this 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** yeah 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** i might start joining you in the library when we aren't training 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** i wouldn't blame you honestly 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** how long do you think its gonna take Haise to really step in and do something about the two of them 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** if he does anything its probably gonna be now

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** at least they had the decency to do it when no one else was home 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** yeah 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** this is just

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** so fucking on brand for them 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** I KNOW RIGHT ITS LITERALLY FUCKING COMICAL AT THIS POINT 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** they ARE the fanfiction trope 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** all of them 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** all of the tropes 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** okay im home i will update as shit happens 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** okay 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** oh god mamans yelling 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** i am no longer home 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** need anything from the gas station? 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** did you hear what he was saying? 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** all i got was something something kagune something something why is there blood all over my kitchen 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** oh god 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** what did they DO? 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** i don't know but im gonna pretend i do not see it and simply walk to the gas station 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** do u want me to bring u food 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** yes please 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** Junk Food 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** i am so tired from training 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** okay ill be there in a bit 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** ty queen 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** yw kign 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** kign 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** im blocking you /j 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** <3

  
  


**_Direct Messages:_ ** _ insert emo shit here  _ and  _ Sk8r_Bo1420  _ 5:22

**insert emo shit here:** so uh 

**insert emo shit here:** we agree that as far as yonebayashi and mutsuki are concerned 

**insert emo shit here:** that did not happen 

**Sk8r_Bo1420:** yep 

**Sk8r_Bo1420:** and as far as we are concerned..? 

**insert emo shit here:** we can talk about it when you are less concussed

**Sk8r_Bo1420:** fair enough 

**Sk8r_Bo1420:** fuck you btw this headache fucking sucks 

**insert emo shit here:** rip 

**insert emo shit here:** take an advil 

**Sk8r_Bo1420:** i cant i already took like 6 Sassan says i cant have anymore :( 

**insert emo shit here:** aks;djfa;sdkfj rip 

**Sk8r_Bo1420:** thanks for the support /s 

**insert emo shit here:** just go to sleep 

**Sk8r_Bo1420:** i cant ill get a stutter 

**Sk8r_Bo1420:** ur really bad at this whole medical advice thing 

**insert emo shit here:** yeah i know 

**insert emo shit here:** id say im sorry but im not 

**Sk8r_Bo1420:** whatever 

**Sk8r_Bo1420:** my head is too full of bees to think of a good response that isnt fucking gay 

**insert emo shit here:** im going back to training for the day 

**insert emo shit here:** get some rest and we'll talk later 

**Sk8r_Bo1420:** want gym :( 

**insert emo shit here:** no 

**Sk8r_Bo1420:** :(((((((((((

  
  


**_Direct Messages:_ ** _ HaiseSasaki  _ and  _ hhhhhhhhhh  _ Monday, 6:32 

**HaiseSasaki:** hey kiddo do you know where everyone is? 

**HaiseSasaki:** you are the only one online 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** im at the library with Mutsuki and Suzuya 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** they're flirting 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** i don't know about shirazu and urie tho 

**HaiseSasaki:** Shirazu is here. Urie probably went back to training, ill call him 

**HaiseSasaki:** dinner's almost ready you guys should start heading home soon 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** okay yeah we will 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** what happened earlier? 

**HaiseSasaki:** _ sigh  _

**HaiseSasaki:** shirazu and urie apparently got into another fight but this one escalated quite quickly 

**HaiseSasaki:** kagune were involved 

**HaiseSasaki:** _ in the kitchen  _

**HaiseSasaki:** but theyre both pretty beat up 

**HaiseSasaki:** i wouldnt be surprised if Urie’s “training” was getting an ice pack and sitting the park with his headphones on 

**HaiseSasaki:** but they actually did an okay job of patching each other up? Im not honestly sure how they feel about each other at the moment 

**HaiseSasaki:** shirazu has a minor concussion but its mostly just the headache at the moment. 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** oh  _ wow  _

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** glad i wasnt home for that i guess 

**HaiseSasaki:** yes i think its for the better that you and mutsuki weren't around 

**HaiseSasaki:** and i think if anyone had tried to stop them they would have just gotten hurt 

**HaiseSasaki:** this was sort of inevitable, but im going to sit down and have a talk with them both when shirazu is a little more 

**HaiseSasaki:** himself 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** yeah 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** god 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** im sorry maman 

**HaiseSasaki:** its okay darling, you didnt do anything wrong 

**HaiseSasaki:** theyre confused boys, there was bound to be some conflict 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** yeah 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** Suzuya wants to know if he can come for dinner 

**HaiseSasaki:** yes that would be quite nice 

**HaiseSasaki:** tell him he’s always welcome 

**HaiseSasaki:** ill run to the corner store to pick up some candy for him quick 

**HaiseSasaki:** would you like some dear? 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** yes!!    
**hhhhhhhhhhh:** i want sour gummy worms and Suzuya says he wants skittles 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** mutsuki said he didnt want anything but i think he needs mnm’s 

**HaiseSasaki:** noted 

**HaiseSasaki:** are you on your way? 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** walking out of the library now 

**_Direct Messaging:_ ** _ hhhhhhhhhhh  _ and  _ #1 yoichi kinnie _

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** OH MY GOD 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** COULD YOU MAKE IT 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** A N Y 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** MORE OBVIOUS THAT YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON SUZUYA 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** what are you talking about? I dont have a crush on suzuya 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** i think he’s interesting and funny and has lots of interesting stories 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** and that he’s pretty and his hair looks soft and his marionette aesthetic is on point and that you want him to personally train you 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** i mean yes all of those things are true 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** that does not mean i have a crush on him 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** tooru, buddy, im p sure thats what a crush is 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** no <3 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** yeah sure tell urself that buddy 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** yes actually i will tell myself that 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** have fun w ur denial 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** im not denying anything 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** sure 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** but in 6 months when the two of you are being simps in the server 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** i will be pulling out these screenshots 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** you do that queen 

**_Direct Messaging:_ ** _ insert emo shit here  _ and _ #1 yoichi kinnie  _

**insert emo shit here:** bro 

**insert emo shit here:** do you like 

**insert emo shit here:** have a crush on suzuya 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** _no_

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** i dont actually 

**insert emo shit here:** you were kinda giving him the like 

**insert emo shit here:** lovey dovey eyes 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** so you walk into my dms as if you didnt fuck shirazu today and ask me about who i have a fuckin crush on 

**insert emo shit here:** i did no such thing 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** _his lips are swollen_

**insert emo shit here:** _i punched him in the mouth he has a shiner_

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** right and you have a matching one 

**insert emo shit here:** WE DIDNT KISS I FUCKING CRACKED HIS HEAD OPEN ON THE COUNTER    
  


**#1 yoichi kinnie:** thas kinda gay 

**insert emo shit here:** i hate you 

**insert emo shit here:** there isnt anything going on between me and Ginshi 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** right thats why you tenderly cleaned his wounds instead of just letting Haise do it? 

**insert emo shit here:** i didnt want to get charged with killing him if he bled out 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** _right_ im sure you were _so worried_ about him dying on the kitchen floor 

**insert emo shit here:** maman was already going to be mad about the blood in the kitchen and i didnt want it to get worse 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** _suuuure_

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** tell urself that kuki 

**insert emo shit here:** actually i am telling myself that 

**insert emo shit here:** thank you very much 

**insert emo shit here:** also stop deflecting 

**insert emo shit here:** whats up with suzuya 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** N O T H I N G    
**#1 yoichi kinnie:** i just think he’s cool and that his fighting style is really interesting and might work better for me than what you and shirazu do 

**insert emo shit here:** right, totally, i definitely believe you 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** shut the hell ur mouth kuki 

**insert emo shit here:** okay simp man 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** YOU LITERALLY GAVE UR CRUSH A CONCUSSION TODAY DONT TALK TO ME ABOUT HOW I PROCESS MY EMOTIONS 

**_Kinks Squad, #spill-the-tea-sis_ **

**seggsy fish:** a fist fight can be romantic. if youre fucking gay. 

**trains genner??:** she has a point 

**princess (deragatory)** : its not gay guys i literally cracked his skull open 

**seggsy fish:** what if :flushed: :flushed: we cracked each others skulls open :flushed: :flushed: on the kitchen counter :flushed: :flushed: 

**trains genner??:** no no guys its not gay they were wearing socks 

**seggsy fish:** shirazu? Wearing socks? Ever? Unlikely

**ultimate himbo:** fair 

**ultimate himbo:** that doesnt make it gay tho 

**trains genner??:** i think it does…. :flushed: 

**princess (derogatory):** oh my g o d guys 

**ultimate himbo:** its not gay 

**ultimate himbo:** IM not gay 

**ultimate himbo:** ??? 

**ultimate himbo:** checkmate liberals 

**seggsy fish:** shirazu, king, i think youre gay 

**ultimate himbo:** cant be gay if im not guy 

**ultimate himbo:** taps head 

**trains genner??:** shirazu gender?? 

**ultimate himbo:** my gener is mechanic w dumb hair 

**seggsy fish:** valid 

**seggsy fish:** but like 

**seggsy fish:** wait r u serious about the gender thing? 

**princess (derogatory):** no i think hes very tired 

**princess (derogatory):** he was making jokes like this before too 

**seggsy fish:** before? :eyes: 

**princess (derogatory):** yes unfortunately i had to spend some time on babysitting the concussed so he doesn't fall asleep duty 

**trains genner??:** right im sure it was  _ such  _ a chore 

**princess (derogatory):** i hope you choke 

**trains genner??:** thanks kuki <3

**princess (derogatory):** ur welcome 

**princess (derogatory):** now if you’ll excuse me 

**princess (derogatory):** im going to go Wallow 

**seggsy fish:** okay emo man 

**ultimate himbo:** :( 

**seggsy fish:** what shirau? 

**ultimate himbo:** urie :( 

**princess (derogatory):** fine ill come hang out with you dumbass 

**ultimate himbo:** :D 

**princess (derogatory):** you are exhausting i hope you know that 

**ultimate himbo:** yeah <3

**_Direct Messages:_ ** _ hhhhhhhhhhh  _ and  _ #1 yoichi kinnie  _

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** oh my god 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** are they 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** hearing themselves??? 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** I KNOW RIGHT LIKE WHAT??? 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** i swear to god 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** like, they went from pummeling the shit out of each other to just like, casually hanging out?? 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** i will never understand boys 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** i will never understand Bros™ 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** yeah valid 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** i swear 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** concussed shirazu is pretty funny tho 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** skdfjsa;dlfkjas; yeah its like the funny parts of drunk shirazu and sleep deprived shirazu except hes going to remember 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** LITERALLY    
**#1 yoichi kinnie:** LIKE    
**#1 yoichi kinnie:** KIGN 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** i swear to god 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** theyre gay right?? 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** like they gotta be gay 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** yes im sure they are 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** like, they cannot be homies 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** are we reverse sappho and her friend-ing kuki and ginshi 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** S:DKLFJ:SKJDA:SLKJFDSK:L ARE WE???    
**#1 yoichi kinnie:** I THINK WE MIGHT BE

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** oh my god 

**hhhhhhhhhhh:** tbh love that for us 

  
**#1 yoichi kinnie:** indeed 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> does urie and shirazu is gay??????


	4. Urie Is A Mitski Fan NOT CLICKBAIT **EMOTIONAL**

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is kind of a set up chapter for things that happen much later in the story so yeah sorry if its a bit boring

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this chapter took me so fuckin long to put up my semester just ended and I finished this chapter to celebrate the fact that i passed my math class

**August 31st, 4 days later**

**_Kinks Squad, #General_ **Thursday, 12:22 pm 

**seggsy fish:** hey, does anyone know where Shirazu is? 

**seggsy fish:** he was supposed to meet me for lunch but never did 

**trains genner??:** not sure 

**trains genner??:** maybe he’s playing hookie 

**seggsy fish:** he usually invites me :( 

**maman:** I think he went to visit his sister in the hospital today 

**maman:** they were discussing some new treatment plan so don't expect him to be able to think about anything else today 

**seggsy fish:** oh yeah i think he did mention that to me this morning, I just didnt remember 

**seggsy fish:** oh well 

**seggsy fish:** hows everyone doing 

**trains genner??:** theres no AC in the library im fucking dying 

**seggsy fish:** rip 

**maman:** you know you are always welcome to bring your work home mutsuki, its usually quite quiet here during the day 

**trains genner??:** with whats going on w urie and shirazu? No thanks <3

**seggsy fish:** youre literally staying there so u can seduce investigator suzuya into training you 

**trains genner??:** I Am nOt 

**trains genner??:** and he isn't even here today im literally working on cataloging shit into the new system for the CCG its not like im just casually like hey suzuya _tucks hair behind ear_ you wanna hear about the most fucked up things investigators have done to ghouls? 

**maman:** i honestly think they would quite enjoy that conversation

**seggsy fish:** also yeah maman whats up w the stitches shit on his arms 

**maman:** im honestly not sure? 

**maman:** asking feels rude though so I dont

**seggsy fish:** very valid 

**seggsy fish:** maybe its just for Aesthetic 

**maman:** i suppose yes 

**trains genner??:** im sure there is a reason 

**trains genner??:** but yes it is quite cool looking 

**seggsy fish:** gay 

**trains genner??:** says the one that literally hid under my chair when akira walked into the library 

**seggsy fish:** SHES PRETTY OKAY   
**seggsy fish:** SO SUE ME   
  


**maman:** Akira? My mentor? 

**trains genner??:** yes 

**trains genner??:** saiko has a crush on her

**seggsy fish:** theres just something about a woman that could snap your neck at any time <3

**maman:** please do not thirst over my adoptive mother in the group chat 

**trains genner??:** dlkfjask;dlfas;lkfa busted 

**seggsy fish:** okay yeah fair sorry king 

**maman:** also she is very aromantic and also 6 years older than you you do not have a chance 

**seggsy fish:** :( 

**seggsy fish:** yeah i mean i knew that 

**seggsy fish:** guess ill just go back to flirting with every starbucks barista w a septum ring :pensive: 

**trains genner??:** adfaskdfja;slkfj rip 

**princess (derogatory):** can yall stop blowing up the groupchat im trying to be productive 

**seggsy fish:** hey king is shirazu with you 

**princess (derogatory):** no 

**princess (derogatory):** hes with his sister 

**princess (derogatory):** or at least thats what he told me 

**seggsy fish:** okay just checking 

**maman:** urie, where are you? 

**princess (derogatory):** adios 

_[_ **_princess (derogatory)_ ** _has gone offline]_

**seggsy fish:** i havent seen him all day 

**trains genner??:** I mean me neither but I've been in the library since 8am 

**maman:** i do hope hes not doing anything stupid 

**seggsy fish:** i mean other than going off on his own he’s not exactly the rule breaking type 

**seggsy fish:** so i wouldnt worry about him too much maman 

**maman:** okay 

**maman:** i just dont love the idea of him being close to Washuu 

**trains genner??:** none of us do 

**trains genner??:** trust me 

**trains genner??:** isnt that what urie and shirazu’s original fight was about? 

**seggsy fish:** yeah i think so 

**trains genner??:** god when will they just get over themselves 

**trains genner??:** like they had a fight and then they made up for the whole one day shirazu had a concussion and now they're like at each other’s throats again 

**seggsy fish:** i honestly dont see them getting over it until either urie actually leaves or stops working with washuu 

**trains genner??:** yeah but like 

**trains genner??:** i dont want urie to leave :( 

**seggsy fish:** solution: kill washuu 

**maman:** thats treason 

**maman:** not that im opposed 

**seggsy fish:** :eyes: 

**seggsy fish:** maman giving us murder rights??? 

**maman:** its honestly not like i could stop you if i wanted to 

**maman:** im your mentor im not really even a part of your squad 

**trains genner??:** murder rights hell yeah 

**maman:** im going to regret saying that arent i 

**seggsy fish:** yes <3

**maman:** oh dear 

**_Kinks Squad, #General_ **Thursday, 3:42 pm 

**ultimate himbo:** heyo

 **ultimate himbo:** sorry to evaporate yeah I was with Haru 

**ultimate himbo:** I dont get to really see her that often so i had my phone turned off 

**ultimate himbo:** but yeah new idea new treatment plan its all very interesting and makes my head feel like bees 

**seggsy fish:** oh mood

 **seggsy fish:** you okay king? 

**ultimate himbo:** yeah /gen 

**ultimate himbo:** its just,, a lot 

**ultimate himbo:** i have one brain cell its really beyond my understanding 

**ultimate himbo:** but i still have to try to understand it so i can make the right decisions for her because shes deemed “incapacitated” 

**ultimate himbo:** which is bullshit but they like hearing her words from my mouth i guess 

**maman:** do you need help understanding what their idea is? Because i am involved and i do understand it 

**ultimate himbo:** no i think i get it 

**ultimate himbo:** like they think using your funky cells will heal the rc stuff 

**ultimate himbo:** i get what they are going to do but all the medical stuff and why it works the way it does is totally beyond me 

**ultimate himbo:** but thanks sassan 

**maman:** of course 

**seggsy fish:** where you at king 

**ultimate himbo:** oh im on my way back to train with akira 

**ultimate himbo:** she said she wanted to help me with something today 

**ultimate himbo:** ill be home for supper 

**princess (derogatory):** i s2g you guys 

**seggsy fish:** sorry to ruin ur pedo date urie the rest of us care about each other /lh 

**princess (derogatory):** im literally not even with washuu 

**princess (derogatory):** im just working out 

**princess (derogatory):** you guys are just annoying 

**trains genner??:** aww thanks kuki <3

**princess (derogatory):** hey werent u gonna meet me to train today 

**trains genner??:** was i? 

**trains genner??:** oh shit its already almost 4??? I thought it was like, noon ngl 

**trains genner??:** yeah i was sorry king 

**princess (derogatory):** its okay i figured thats what was 

**princess (derogatory):** definitely not eating lunch with suzuya or flirting with suzuya 

**trains genner??:** GUYS I HAVENT SEEN HIM ALL DAY   
  
**princess (derogatory):** i literally saw you guys eat together today 

**trains genner??:** _sigh_

 **trains genner??:** yeah 

**trains genner??:** but thats not why i missed 

**trains genner??:** its literally because i keep forgetting time exists 

**ultimate himbo:** adhd gang 

**trains genner??:** adhd gang 

**seggsy fish:** smh cant relate

 **seggsy fish:** me and urie got that upgraded neurodiversity 

**princess (derogatory):** you could put it that way i suppose

**ultimate himbo:** wait okay i just read up all the way WE HAVE MURDER RIGHTS?! 

**maman:** n o 

**maman:** i knew i shouldn't have said that 

**ultimate himbo:** me and the boys 

**ultimate himbo:** killing the stinky ccg man 

**princess (derogatory):** why do you guys hate him so much 

**seggsy fish:** smelly 

**ultimate himbo:** stinky 

**trains genner??:** grooming you 

**maman:** his vibes are rancid honestly

**ultimate himbo:** based sassan??? 

**seggsy fish:** based maman?? 

**trains genner??:** skdjfas;ldkfj g u y s 

**maman:** what does based mean 

**maman:** guys i am old 

**maman:** i know words but not that many words 

**seggsy fish:** maman really said hello fellow kids huh 

**ultimate himbo:** ;lkasdfja;lskdf literally 

**princess (derogatory):** oh my god guys 

**trains genner??:** sdklfjask;ldfjas;lfj why are we like this 

**princess (derogatory):** i ask myself that every day 

**maman:** i think you guys are wonderful 

**seggsy fish:** :pleading_face: 

**trains genner??:** awww thanks maman 

**ultimate himbo:** yeah 

**princess (derogatory):** whatever nerds 

**seggsy fish:** stop being a grumpy ass urie 

**princess (derogatory):** thats my Whole Brand tho 

**trains genner??:** sa;lkdfjas;ldfkj okay middle school emo 

**princess (derogatory):** :pensive:

 **princess (derogatory):** yall didnt even know me in middle school 

**ultimate himbo:** WE ALL WENT TO THE SAME MIDDLE SCHOOL 

**trains genner??:** BRUH?? WE WERE IN THE SAME FCKING CLASS

**seggsy fish:** king we lived in the same dorm hall for like 3 years 

**seggsy fish:** WE LIVED ON THE SAME FLOOR 

**princess (derogatory):** how do i always forget this

 **princess (derogatory):** in my defence you guys all looked very different 

**princess (derogatory):** literally the only difference in my appearance is im taller and I have my teardrop pierced

**seggsy fish:** yeah the rest of us had glowups 

**princess (derogatory):** rude 

**seggsy fish:** yeah <3 

**maman:** be nice kids 

**seggsy fish:** skdfhsa;lkdf yes maman 

**princess (derogatory):** okay im leaving 

**princess (derogatory):** we might like, idk, want to try to actually get somewhere with literally any of our investigations 

**ultimate himbo:** thats for smart people

**trains genner??:** i am literally uploading the Entire Library to a database so we can do that 

**trains genner??:** ill find anything and everything we’ve missed 

**princess (derogatory):** shirazu you are smart 

_[_ **_princess (derogatory)_ ** _has gone offline]_

**ultimate himbo:** did he 

**ultimate himbo:** ??????   
**ultimate himbo:** what???? 

**seggsy fish:** O.O 

**ultimate himbo:** He????????????

 **ultimate himbo:** ??   
**ultimate himbo:** im confused 

**ultimate himbo:** was he being sarcastic??? 

**trains genner??:** i… dont know 

**maman:** well you are smart shirazu 

**maman:** even if its not book smart 

**ultimate himbo:** yeah, you can say that 

**ultimate himbo:** but urie?? Mr top of our fucking year always on my ass about not being able to keep up with him?? Calling me smart out of fucking nowhere??? 

**ultimate himbo:** not likely 

**ultimate himbo:** somebody make sure urie isnt dying in a ditch somewhere please 

**ultimate himbo:** i think im gonna head home early, as soon as im done talking to akira or whatever 

**maman:** okay, see you tonight 

**maman:** i will check up on him yes 

**seggsy fish:** eh im right here ill bully him 

**seggsy fish:** see yall later

 **seggsy fish:** mutsuki if ur not home when i get home i dragging you home by the hair <3 

**trains genner??:** noted 

  
  


**_Direct Messages:_ ** _#1 yoichi kinnie_ and _insert emo shit here_

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** simp   
**#1 yoichi kinnie:** simp man 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** bro u can admit you have a crush on shirazu u dont have to call him smart in the group chat

 **#1 yoichi kinnie:** i promise its okay king 

**_Direct Messages:_ ** _hhhhhhhh_ and _Sk8er_bo1420_

**Sk8er_bo1420:** help girl i think im simping for the emo man 

**hhhhhhhh:** so you admit that youre in love with urie 

**Sk8er_bo1420:** was this not already established lore 

**Sk8er_bo1420:** yes and im going to lovingly grind his face into the pavement if he keeps making bad choices 

**hhhhhhhh:** okay okay im gonna bully him quick Ill get back to you 

**hhhhhhhh:** ;KADSJF;ALSKJDFA IM GONNA KILL THAT TWINK 

**Sk8er_bo1420:**??????

**hhhhhhhh:** so i, being an asshole, decide to unplug his headphones so he pays attention to me 

**hhhhhhhh:** AND DO U KNOW WHAT FUCKING SONG IT WAS 

**Sk8er_bo1420:** oh god

 **Sk8er_bo1420:** what was it 

**hhhhhhhh:** FUCKING STRAWBERRY BLONDE   
**hhhhhhhh:** BY MITSKI 

**Sk8er_bo1420:** w h a t 

**hhhhhhhh:** king 

**hhhhhhhh:** king 

**hhhhhhhh:** king 

**hhhhhhhh:** i think im losing my mind 

**Sk8er_bo1420:** like the fucking

 **Sk8er_bo1420:** look at you strawberry blonde fields rolling on? 

**hhhhhhhh:** yeah 

**hhhhhhhh:** i :eyes: wonder :eyes: who we could be :eyes: talking about :eyes: 

**Sk8er_bo1420:** am i strawberry blonde?? 

**Sk8er_bo1420:** i think im more fake looking blonde 

**hhhhhhhh:** i, dont think he actually cares about that part 

**hhhhhhhh:** like, beside the point king 

**hhhhhhhh:** at least choose a valid mitski song :rolling_eyes: 

**Sk8er_bo1420:** i just 

**Sk8er_bo1420:** what is even going on today im so tired 

**Sk8er_bo1420:** i dont even want to do training with akira anymore

 **Sk8er_bo1420:** shes gonna kick my ass im too preoccupied 

**hhhhhhhh:** well you’ve got urie to tenderly stitch up your wounds now <3 

  
**Sk8er_bo1420:** fukc you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i want to get to Plot Shit but Plot Shit doesnt start happening until l a t e r yknow? its coming soon though i promise theyll have some Bonding Moments and then there will be Plot and Things  
> also i posted another shirazu/urie oneshot called What Would Haise Do? which is part of a vent series that i will be updating again soon  
> ALSO also im writing bad edgy backstory for the quinx squad using very little of the actual canon source material and the first chapter of that will be up soon (probably going up along with the next chapter of this)  
> okay update over have a great day pls leave komint i need serotonin


	5. Saiko Seduces Overwatch Simps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which saiko actually exists. checkmate ishida.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> slight tw for mention of medical shit  
> sorry its been so long since i updated life decided to fuck me in the ass

**_Direct Messages:_ ** _ hhhhhhhh  _ and  _ #1 yoichi kinnie  _

**hhhhhhhh:** hey can I ask you something kinda weird 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** yeah ofc whats up 

**hhhhhhhh:** how often do you wash your hair? 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** like, every other time i shower

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** why 

**hhhhhhhh:** HOW can you STAND the smell of shampoo 

**hhhhhhhh:** ever since the quinx surgery its just been too smelly just opening the bottle gives me a headache

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** i switched to scentless stuff 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** urie and haise have the same problem they turned me on to this stuff

**hhhhhhhh:** can shirazu just handle it? 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** when was the last time you think shirazu showered 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** be honest 

**hhhhhhhh:** oh no im very aware of when shirazu showers because its usually at 3am and my bed is pressed up against the wall that leads to our shared bathroom 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** lkdfja;skldjf oof 

**hhhhhhhh:** his shampoo smells like WD-40 somehow 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** KSJF:LKJD YONEBAYASHI DOES SHIRAZU WASH HIS HAIR WITH WD-40 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** OH MY GOD

**hhhhhhhh:** yknow 

**hhhhhhhh:** yknow

**hhhhhhhh:** he might 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** shirazu lore 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** where is he rn? 

**hhhhhhhh:** uh he left with Urie this morning 

**hhhhhhhh:** something torso related idk i was in the primordial soup when he was talking to me 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** m 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** gay 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** ill ask him about it over dinner tonight if theyre home 

**hhhhhhhh:** they better be 

**hhhhhhhh:** mamans gonna skin them if they arent 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** have you noticed he’s been more on edge recently? 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** i think it has something to do with the investigation 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** also, he’s worried about you 

**hhhhhhhh:** me? Why? 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** because you like, scored super high on the quinx aptitude test and in the first months of training and working you were like, really involved in all of this and I have seen you in person, maybe 3 times this week. 

**hhhhhhhh:** yeah I mean 

**hhhhhhhh:** i kinda feel like shit all the time

**hhhhhhhh:** i’ve been trying to help by doing some research but everything is classified or in some kind of code 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** you’ve been trying to get info on ghouls from online? 

**hhhhhhhh:** yeah, so far Ive found One Singular Twitter Account that seems to be run by an untraceable ghoul, @/therealdevilape

**hhhhhhhh:** its got a good couple thousand followers and most of them are private accounts or generic users. 

**hhhhhhhh:** i cant tell if its a joke account or not 

**hhhhhhhh:** he seems to post exclusively bad hot takes on liquids

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** M: S:LJL:KSJLF:KJD :LK   
**#1 yoichi kinnie:** we stan that 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** im sure you can dig up something more than that 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** or you could always lend me a hand with this cataloging stuff 

**hhhhhhhh:** yeah if you wanna bring some of that stuff by my room I’ll work through it 

**hhhhhhhh:** just 

**hhhhhhhh:** the thought of leaving my room makes my organs collapse 

**hhhhhhhh:** and i Know its not great 

**hhhhhhhh:** i just feel like shit all the time 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** wdym? 

**hhhhhhhh:** like 

**hhhhhhhh:** everything sounds weird and warped and i get dizzy when i stand 

**hhhhhhhh:** i am straight up not vibing 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** hey king 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** see a doctor maybe 

**hhhhhhhh:** no thanks i do not in fact want to see doctor pedo 

**hhhhhhhh:** he is. Yucky <3 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** you realize sensei is gonna make you go to the doctor eventually, right? 

**hhhhhhhh:** not if he doesnt find out <3 

**hhhhhhhh:** but yeah if i can actually Get Into My Desk Chair i can just market it as intel gathering and seduce simps on overwatch all day 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** solid plan but have you considered 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** not doing that 

**hhhhhhhh:** seriously i don't want to go to the doctor 

**hhhhhhhh:** its so white and bright i literally cant handle it 

**hhhhhhhh:** i think this might be a quinx thing? 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** LOSING YOUR HEARING? 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** shawty i had hypervigilance before the quinx surgery I may as well have the hearing of a fucking owl now. 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** if I am in my room with my headphones on I can hear it when sensei runs the microwave I can hear everything ever. 

**hhhhhhhh:** well what else could it be? Spontaneous hearing loss at 19 disorder??? 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** i dont know but Im sure its treatable 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** and also you are my friend and I dont enjoy seeing you in pain 

**hhhhhhhh:** you are not seeing me <3 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** i also dont like not seeing you 

**hhhhhhhh:** :( 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** if you dont talk about sensei to this im snitching 

**hhhhhhhh:** :(((((((((( 

**hhhhhhhh:** okay how about this 

**hhhhhhhh:** if i dont come up with anything after 36 hours of hyperfocus on this ghoul intel digging 

**hhhhhhhh:** THEN we can tell sensei 

**hhhhhhhh:** but you gotta let me get this done first 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** okay 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** only if it doesn't get worse

**hhhhhhhh:** you never let me die of untreated chronic illnesses alone in my room!

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** yes <3

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** okay im actually being made to do things by sensei. 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** if i was urie id just snitch on you so uh love me <3 <3 <3 

**hhhhhhhh:** i do i promise 

**hhhhhhhh:** off to seduce overwatch simps and dig through incel reddit for ghoul info for 12 hours 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** if you dont take care of yourself im coming into your room and forcing you too :) 

**hhhhhhhh:** please do 

**_Direct Messages:_ ** _ hhhhhhhh  _ and  _ sunshine boy _

**sunshine boy:** hi, are you that Mei main from this morning? 

**hhhhhhhh:** yeah!! Hi <3 

**hhhhhhhh:** you’re the Junkrat main? 

**sunshine boy:** that would be me! 

**hhhhhhhh:** this season of competitive has been, so fun already 

**hhhhhhhh:** my whole team got demolished in preliminaries so i’ve just been trying not to get crushed in this new team 

**hhhhhhhh:** hardly any of them want to communicate 

**sunshine boy:** OKAY SO ITS NOT JUST ME 

**sunshine boy:** i was so n e r v o u s that I was the only one out of the loop 

**sunshine boy:** i, hate coming into competitive alone its the fucking worst 

**hhhhhhhh:** I mean, we were great today 

**hhhhhhhh:** we work great as a team 

**sunshine boy:** i was Nervous when we were both defense but i think we did pretty okay in the matches we played today 

**hhhhhhhh:** yeah!! Do you wanna get on call next time we jump in for a couple rounds of competitive? 

**sunshine boy:** oh i cant, i have 3 roommates and only play at like, 3am 

**hhhhhhhh:** oh thats so valid 

**hhhhhhhh:** i simply do not respect my roommates <3 

**hhhhhhhh:** no i work second shift and they all work first so I just play when they’re at work 

**sunshine boy:** OH VALID    
**sunshine boy:** also all of your fnaf achievements I am looking directly at them 

**sunshine boy:** oh that sounded creepy i promise im not stalking you just Special Interest Go Zoom 

**hhhhhhhh:** oh thats so valid 

**hhhhhhhh:** yes i completed all of fnaf vr in like 3 days it was intense 

**sunshine boy:** oh valid 

**sunshine boy:** i can't do vr it give me headaches ://// 

**sunshine boy:** but i’ve watched playthroughs and it seems,, intense 

**hhhhhhhh:** OH IT IS 

**hhhhhhhh:** its really fun though and one of the more sensical ones for the lore 

**sunshine boy:** *looks at the fnaf one phonecalls* *looks away* 

**hhhhhhhh:** LITERALLY    
**hhhhhhhh:** LIKE WHY, THEY GOTTA BE LIKE THAT 

**hhhhhhhh:** PWEASE MR CAWTHON A COHERENT TIMELINE??? 

**sunshine boy:** and like is baby literally charlie like charlie is possessing her does that make the blonde girl charlie whos kids are whose im going NUTS   
**sunshine boy:** and like,, are the novels canon?? Are they not canon?? HOW MANY MORE LIGHT NOVELS ARE WE GETTING??? 

**hhhhhhhh:** canon mpreg 

**sunshine boy:** CANON MPREG 

**sunshine boy:** god i 

**sunshine boy:** i always forget about that and like for good reason

**hhhhhhhh:** as you should king 

**hhhhhhhh:** wait 

**hhhhhhhh:** pronouns? 

**sunshine boy:** he/him 

**sunshine boy:** you? 

**hhhhhhhh:** she/they 

**sunshine boy:** and you play with randos on competitive overwatch? 

**sunshine boy:** braver than any CCG officer 

**hhhhhhhh:** ty ty ty 

**hhhhhhhh:** i am infact, god himself 

**sunshine boy:** poggers 

**sunshine boy:** what else do you play? 

**hhhhhhhh:** honestly me and my best friend are fucking, obsessed with among us 

**hhhhhhhh:** like its his hyperfixation so i am like obsessed with it by association 

**sunshine boy:** thats so valid 

**sunshine boy:** i think it’d be more fun if like, you played with people you knew or like you were on call with the people you were playing with so you could scream at each other 

**hhhhhhhh:** oh for sure that so fun 

**hhhhhhhh:** you could join us sometime if you want even if you had to be muted the whole time 

**sunshine boy:** that would be fun, yeah!!

**sunshine boy:** well i have to Actually Do Things so Ill catch you later? 

**hhhhhhhh:** yep, adios! 

_ [ _ **_sunshine boy_ ** _ has gone offline] _

**_Kinks Squad, #General_ **

**trains genner??:** saiko 

**trains genner??:** make a quotes channel 

**trains genner??:** please i beg of you 

**seggsy fish:** yuh okay sure 

**_Kinks Squad, Quotes_ **

**trains genner??:** shirau, laying on his back on the couch looking up at urie: are we about to kiss right now? 

**trains genner??:** urie: *shoves a pillow over shirazu’s face and leans his elbows on it* 

**trains genner??:** shirazu, muffled: is that a no? 

**seggsy fish:** SF:LKJDLSKJF:LSKJDF:LSKJF 

**_Direct Messages:_ ** _ hhhhhhhh  _ and  _ #1 yoichi kinnie  _

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** how did your day go? 

**hhhhhhhh:** i found a few more ghoul twitter accounts but they didn't say anything of any real importance 

**hhhhhhhh:** i think i'm starting to find patterns in how they identify themselves to each other but its nothing ive found thats really consistent or universal 

**hhhhhhhh:** i also entered about three boxes of those reports 

**hhhhhhhh:** most of them were, really boring 

**hhhhhhhh:** nothing much on the torso, he seems to be a fairly new target 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** yeah he is, most of the data on him was already entered by the time I got assigned to the project 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** his alias was only recorded for the first time maybe 6th months ago, and the online cataloging was started like 4 months ago my one of Arima’s subordinates

**hhhhhhhh:** are we doing this for arima 

**hhhhhhhh:** mutsuki 

**hhhhhhhh:** are you making me work for the worlds worst old man 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** no, the project was picked up by Akira a few weeks ago, she was the one that assigned me to it 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** I did tell her you would be helping me by the way, so don't worry about that 

**hhhhhhhh:** are we getting payed for this 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** no but i am covering your ass both to haise and to the higher ups, so you better love me <3

**hhhhhhhh:** i do <3 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** good im very cute <3 

**hhhhhhhh:** i also seduced one overwatch simp with the misa amane voice and made an actual real friend it was very nice 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** oh worm??? 

**hhhhhhhh:** yuh hes a jackbox main and he likes fnaf 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** we love to see it 

**hhhhhhhh:** we really do 

**hhhhhhhh:** what did y’all do today 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** we did group training with sensei and then i did personal training while Urie and Shirazu sparred 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** it was, very funny to watch 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** cuz every once in a while they’d get too violent and too harsh and sensei would just yeet them apart with his tentacles

**hhhhhhhh:** will you come hang out with me after dinner? 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** yuh 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** we’ll all come camp out in your room for a bit 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** ill drag the homos in here by the ears and we can just vibe for a bit 

**hhhhhhhh:** dfkjas;lkdfj;aslfdj yes please that would be, very poggers 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** among us with the boys but we’re all sitting on your bed 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** sensei is asking about you again 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** what do you want me to tell him 

**hhhhhhhh:** oh 

**hhhhhhhh:** uh 

**hhhhhhhh:** ill text him dw about it 

**#1 yoichi kinnie:** okay 

**_Direct Messages:_ ** _ hhhhhhhh  _ and  _ HaiseSaski  _

**hhhhhhhh:** hiiii maman 

**HaiseSasaki:** Hello my dear 

**HaiseSasaki:** Are you feeling okay? 

**HaiseSasaki:** Mutstuki said you weren't feeling well this morning and you haven’t been able to participate recently I just want to make sure you’re okay 

**hhhhhhhh:** yeah i’ll be okay 

**hhhhhhhh:** just feelin a bit down i suppose 

**HaiseSasaki:** Is there something going on? 

**HaiseSasaki:** I’m always here to help you my dear. 

**hhhhhhhh:** just 

**hhhhhhhh:** my sensory issues have gotten  _ way  _ worse 

**hhhhhhhh:** like my hearing is really bad but my vision is really intense I can barely leave my room without getting a migraine 

**hhhhhhhh:** its,, bad 

**HaiseSasaki:** Okay 

**HaiseSasaki:** Well we should take you to the doctor 

**HaiseSasaki:** Or would you prefer him to come here? 

**hhhhhhhh:** no i do Not want him here

**hhhhhhhh:** i dont even want to see him 

**hhhhhhhh:** hes,, gross 

**HaiseSasaki:** Has he done something to you or one of the others? 

**hhhhhhhh:** no no no no 

**hhhhhhhh:** just like Vibes he creeps me out 

**HaiseSasaki:** I understand that. 

**HaiseSasaki:** I also understand that Mutsuki isn't very fond of him 

**HaiseSasaki:** I can set you up an appointment with the other doctor, I forget his name 

**HaiseSasaki:** but this needs to be addressed, I don't want you to have to live in pain 

**hhhhhhhh:** thank you 

**hhhhhhhh:** im sorry 

**HaiseSasaki:** Its okay

**HaiseSasaki:** Do you need anything?

**hhhhhhhh:** mom hug? 

**HaiseSasaki:** I'm on my way 

  
**hhhhhhhh:** :) 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> take a soft haise moment and an extra 300 words as an apology for me not updating this for a month and also for this being the dryest least funny thing ive ever written ever


End file.
